Страница 29 из 76
I can't help but laugh...this is the strangest conversation I've ever had. “Is it a common occurrence to forget the names of girls who spend the night at your place?”
He opens his mouth but pauses and bites his bottom lip instead. I have to force myself not to stare at his mouth.
I have to force myself not to stare...period.
Butterflies swarm in my belly and they must be drunk off the alcohol that's still in my system because I've never been this attracted to anyone.
Not that I've had a lot of experience when it comes to things like this in my almost 24 years...but still.
This is wrong...so fucking wrong. It's so wrong they haven't invented enough languages to convey just how wrong this is.
I can't be attracted to him.
He's my boyfriends...son.
He takes a hand out of his pocket and runs it through his hair. “You want the truth?”
“Yeah.”
“I've never once forgotten the name of any girl who's spent the night at my place...but I've also never had a girl spend the night in my bed for strictly sleeping purposes either.”
“I don't know if I should be feeling special or offended.”
“You shouldn't be feeling either,” he tells me. “What goes on in my bed is really none of your business.” His face hardens. “Just like what you and my father do in your bed is none of mine...right?”
It's like he just dunked me in a vat of ice water. The clarity of my current situation crashes into me. “Right.”
With that, I turn on my heels and leave the bedroom. I hear his footsteps behind me. “The super should be up here with the key to your apartment any minute.”
“Thanks.”
“Listen, if you want me to set the guys straight about your name I will.”
There's a knock on the door but I halt him. “I like Lou-Lou. Don't tell them my real name.”
He nods and for a moment I think he knows exactly what I'm thinking.
I want to be someone else...anyone else but me.
I lower myself against the porcelain of the bathtub and draw my knees up to my chest.
I look at the moon shining through the tiny window and wish I was able to speed up time so I could sleep.
I should be exhausted after spending the day unpacking and setting everything up in my new apartment...and I am.
But seeing as it's smack dab in the middle of the night, there's no way I can sleep.
All I'll hear is the sound of the doorknob turning and all I'll feel are hands that shouldn't be touching me.
I tried calling Bruno; in hopes that he would calm me down and reassure me that I was safe now—just like he used to when I was younger...but he quickly rushed me off the phone claiming he had business to attend to.
I heard Marlene giggling in the background like a schoolgirl, so I can only imagine what kind of business he's conducting at the moment.
I briefly debated picking up a bottle of wine from the store but thought the better of it. It turns out that alcohol makes me drowsy and traps me in my nightmares instead of making them go away completely like the hard drugs do.
I'm ashamed I thought about giving into that urge tonight too in order to make all the pain go away. I picked up a few bags of heroin...but I came to the conclusion that I really don't want to go down that road unless I'm forced to.
Instead, I hug my knees tighter and remind myself that my father can't get to me here.
The bathtub was the one place my father was never able to find me.
For whatever reason, the dumbass never bothered to pull back the shower curtain while he was on one of his rampages looking for me.
It was a gift and a curse...because I realized that even the bathtub couldn't get rid of the dirty feeling lurking inside me.
But it's still the place I go when the flashbacks get the best of me.
It's my favorite place in the world and the closest thing to real freedom I've ever experienced...until now.
I should be happy DeLuca gave me this opportunity...but I can't even enjoy it.
I get up and walk past the towel rack seeing as the bathtub wasn't filled with any water and make my way into the quaint living room.
Finally deciding I've had enough of this apartment, I leave and go for a walk.
I bring my cell phone with me in case I get lost, but I feel like a fool because the only number programmed in it is Bruno's.
Bruno DeLuca—my savior...my protector...my incubus. My Satan in angel's clothing.
The man I can't disentangle myself from no matter how much I want to because I don't know what will happen or what will become of me.
I'm scared it might be the thing to finally break me.
I don't understand how it's possible to love someone like him in the first place...how it's possible to love someone who's done what they have, but still, I do.
The fact of the matter is...when you're on your last breath—it doesn't matter who comes along and breathes life back into you.
DeLuca saved me when no one else did.
Even though the cord he's ensnared me with causes me to suffocate now.
He still rescued me from a different kind of hell first.