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Chapter 2 (Lou-Lou)
My head is spi
I haven't touched the hard stuff for two months now, but the cravings haven't diminished.
The only times DeLuca gives in...is right before he fucks me. Which of course, is the only time I actually ever crave it.
He was right, he didn't turn me into a full-blown addict, but he does use it to control me.
He knows he can't have sex with me, well enjoyable sex anyway, when I'm sober because I'll just tremble and scream.
He says it displeases him that I feel that way about him now. I tell him that it displeases me that he uses and controls me like this.
That's when he usually threatens not to give me anything to help get me through him screwing me.
Then I beg and plead for him to show me some mercy before I suck him off—because I can still do that sober.
He eventually gives in, and although he doesn't give me heroin anymore, he gives me a few pills to take the edge off. He even waits for them to kick in before he starts.
Luckily, since it's such a process to have sex with me now, we only do it about once a week or so. Sometimes even less.
He says it's exhausting and barely even worth the effort anymore.
I pray for the day he finally decides it's not.
I pray for the day my fucked up heart becomes strong enough to finally stop loving him.
I stare down at my plate of uneaten food. I can't believe I spoke to him like that in front of his own son.
Marlene comes back into the dining room with another bottle of wine and I practically jump on her and pry it from her hands.
I know Bruno's going to expect some alone time with me again tonight and he already warned me just before di
He also told me that he has a special surprise job for me...but I had to be a good girl in order to get the opportunity.
Then he asked me if I still loved him. Which was odd because he hasn't asked me that in a long time.
I told him the truth—”Yes, but I also hate you for all you've done to me.”
He promised that he would make it all up to me as long as I promised to love him forever.
He was so serious, I knew that whatever he wanted from me was important.
It also explains why he randomly stopped giving me the hard drugs two months ago.
He needs me to be clear-headed for whatever assignment I was about to embark on.
“Only one more glass,” Bruno tells Marlene, interrupting my thoughts.
“You should have said that two glasses ago,” she says under her breath before looking at me in disgust.
I know Marlene hates me.
I know she thinks I'm just some chick looking to strike it rich with her mob boss sugar daddy.
Just like I know that she's only been his housekeeper for the past few months, so she couldn't possibly know all that's gone on between us.
But unlike her, I know all that's gone on between her and Bruno.
One night, around two months ago, I caught her on her knees in front of him when I walked into his conference room.
Instead of helping me through the worst of my withdrawals like a decent man, Bruno wanted to get his dick sucked by the maid since I wasn't in the state to do it for him.
I've never felt more jealous or hurt in my entire life.
Even though Bruno and I have the most toxic relationship in the history of ever, I still love him. I will always love him.
And I thought that meant something to him. I mean, it used to.
I became so mad, I launched a trophy at the bitch's head.
He immediately pulled out of her mouth and came rushing over to me.
I told him to fire her, but he promised me he would never let it happen again.
And so far, he's stayed true to his word because I have yet to catch him in the act since that night.
I still have my eye on her, though. Because if there's one thing I've learned...it's that you can't trust anyone.
Especially another woman who wants what's yours.
I take another sip of my wine, I can already tell it's weaker than the other one.
Either that or I'm starting to build up a tolerance to this shit too.
I give Bruno another pout and he finally relents and gives me his glass of wine.
I eagerly take it because the thought of having sex with him while being even mildly coherent makes my skin crawl.
Ricardo snaps his head in my direction and that's when I see it.
I didn't think they looked anything alike, but damn.
Those eyes are totally Bruno DeLuca's.
I almost forget that it's Ricardo and drop the glass of wine. He rolls his eyes, it's clear he doesn't like Daddy's girlfriend all that much.
And if I'm being honest, the feeling is mutual.
What kind of man looks at his father's girlfriend like she's nothing but trash?
He doesn't even know me. He has no idea what my life is like.
He has no idea about the fortress full of pain and shame that plagues me.
No one does. No one ever will.
He turns his attention to his father again and I study his features.
Yeah, he looks nothing like Bruno Deluca.
Bruno isn't particularly handsome by any means, his features are purely intense.
But Ricardo?
Holy hell, I might need to fan myself.
His skin is a shade darker than mine, making it appear as though he spends loads of time in the sun catching a golden tan. His dark hair is short on the sides but longer on the top and his nose, jaw, and lips are the perfect combinations of rugged and sexy.
The only exception to his flawless face is his nose which is slightly crooked, most likely from all the years he spent boxing and fighting.
Speaking of which, I don't even need to see him without his shirt to know he must spend hours at the gym.
Those muscles stretching out his t-shirt speak volumes, and there's no doubt in my mind that he has some killer washboard abs.
Something Bruno most certainly does not have, given his stocky build.
Whoever Ricardo's mother was, must have been one heck of a stu
“Did you hear me, Lucia
I take another sip of wine. “Sorry, mio amore. I did not.”
His face grows soft for a moment. He loves when I call him mio amore.
He tugs on my hand until I'm standing up. I halt him and down the rest of my wine. I notice Ricardo shaking his head in my peripheral vision.
I take a step and stumble slightly—guess I must be drunker than I thought, after all.
Bruno moves his chair away from the table and pulls me across his lap.
I wrap my arms around his neck, it's been years since I've cuddled in his lap like this and I miss it so much.
It reminds me of the times he was good to me...the times he protected me.
Before he turned into my worst nightmare.
A nightmare I can't ever seem to wake up from or untangle my heart from.
“Like I was telling Ricardo, I think we need to have a ring girl at the fight club,” Bruno says.
I giggle in my drunken stupor. “But I thought they fought in cages, not rings.”
The hand that was making its way up my thigh stops and he sighs. “They do. It's just an expression. But I want to know what you think about that idea.”