Страница 77 из 155
“Go on a date with me.” I take a step toward her.
“What?!” She presses a hand against her mouth as if the gesture can stop me from kissing her again.
Am I the only one affected by our co
“No! To both questions.”
“Why?” I step closer to her, taking in her fresh scent of citrus mixed with the soapy smell of the foam snowflakes.
“Do you need a bigger reason besides the fact that you’re my boss?”
“That’s never stopped you from doing what you wanted before.”
Her eyes drop to the floor. “It doesn’t matter. You’re the last person I should want.”
Her words throw me back into the past—of the boy who was rejected until he learned to stop caring.
The vein in my forehead throbs. “Yeah, well, I’m not supposed to be attracted to an insufferable female who drives me to the brink of insanity yet here we are. You represent everything I dislike in someone.”
She winces. “That’s the way you really feel about me?”
Fuck. That came out all wrong. Somehow, I watched Mr. Darcy fuck up seventeen times yet still managed to fall into the same trap.
Her eyes shine, instantly making myself feel shittier.
“Shit. I didn’t mean it like that.” I cup her elbow, but she rips her arm away.
“You know what? Forget this. All I’ve done is make excuses for your behavior because I was hoping there was a decent guy underneath all that anger. But in reality, you’re nothing but a jerk who gets off on making everyone as miserable as you.” Her bottom lip wobbles.
No. That can’t be true. That’s something my father does, not me. I’m practical and blunt. There’s a difference between that and being a miserable fuck like my father.
But the way she looks at me makes me consider it for a second.
My chest tightens. “Zahra, I’m sorry. Hear me out—”
“I don’t want your apology. It means nothing coming from someone who wouldn’t know the first thing about feeling remorseful.”
I feel as foolish as motherfucking Mr. Darcy.
You’re comparing yourself to the fictional characters she loves now?
You’re fucked. Absolutely fucked.
My stomach rolls. I’m tempted to say something snappy back, but I hold back. I don’t want to be that guy anymore. The one who loses the girl before he even had a chance. The same one who hides behind a pseudonym and waits up for her messages because I hate the crippling loneliness that hits me every time I walk into my empty house.
No. From here on out, I’m choosing to be better with her. Even if I made this mistake, I can still keep trying anyway.
“Forget this kiss happened. God knows I will.” She turns and walks away without a second glance.
Something about her departure has my chest tightening to the point of difficulty breathing. I go to grab my Tums bottle from my blazer’s i
Nothing but empty.
Asking Zahra out on a date like that was careless. I got caught up in the moment and it was the first thing I thought of. It was stupid, especially when she sees me one way while I see her in another light.
I thought I could go back to pretending to be Scott, but after kissing Zahra, I can’t do it. It feels…wrong. Like I don’t fit into that persona anymore because my interest in Zahra has evolved. I don’t want to pretend I’m some loser who has no contact with people. I don’t want to pretend anymore. Period.
So I start a new conversation as Rowan. From now on, that’s all she’ll get from me.
Me: I need you to meet me at my office tomorrow at 8 p.m.
I release a pent-up breath when she finally responds an hour later.
Zahra: Okay.
Her simple answer makes me edgy for the rest of the night. She’s not the kind of person to do simple anything, and I don’t like receiving a one-worded message from her. She would never do that to Scott, yet with me, she doesn’t even try.
You sound jealous of your own damn self.
I consider canceling the meeting twice before shoving my phone in a drawer and ignoring any messages Scott received from Zahra. It needs to be done. She’ll accept my reasoning behind pretending. It’s not like I could admit who I was to her when it’s hard to trust anyone besides myself and my brothers.
What if she doesn’t forgive you?
She will. There’s nothing wrong with what I did. I have no doubt if she was raised the same way I was, she would do the same thing without blinking.
Right.