Now open your eyes

Diane sat in the kitchen, staring blindly out the arched window beside the breakfast table. “Your boyfriend left,” she whispered, her voice small and barren. “I made coffee.”

I shuffled into the kitchen where her grief felt like gravity, compressing me into nothing. I didn’t know what time it was, but it was still early, and the smell of coffee swirled through the cracks of her gravity, pulling me in. The mugs hung from a black tree stand beside the coffee pot, and I took a mug, poured the coffee, and added heaps of cream and sugar.

“I love your father, Mia,” she began to say, not looking at me but out the window. “I do. I’ve always loved him.”

“I don’t know where you’re going with this.” It was too early, and I didn’t have the headspace to decipher her.

Diane sighed, and she did that every time she was about to say something. I leaned against the counter and sipped from the mug, staring at the back of her blonde bob. She was in a fluffy pink robe, hair raveled, and not perfectly in place.

“It’s not easy to fall in love with a man who lost his wife and daughter all at once. I’m a woman, so I’m expected to understand and mend the broken pieces. To turn a house into a home again. To co

“No one expected you to fix everything.”

She shook her head, and her hair swung behind her. “When I couldn’t, I thought for sure the baby would. Maybe if I got pregnant, having a little one around would be the answer. And now I realize, all the pressure placed on me, I was placing on my baby. Maybe I am the one to blame for losing her. And I don’t know why I’m telling you this anyway. You don’t care about anything.”

My fingers gripped the coffee mug that was still hot in my hand. “I’m trying to. To be honest, if I did know you were pregnant at the time, I probably wouldn’t have cared. But, I’m trying now.”

“So just like that?”

“Just like that.” I kicked off the counter and pulled out a chair beside her. “Did you ever think we’re just two women, both not filling expectations? All my life I was expected to remember, to feel, to relate, to understand. Now, I’m expected to have all the answers and know who I am. I’m starting to think we’re never supposed to have it all figured out, and maybe that’s the beauty of it all.”

Diane swung her head to face me, eyes narrowing. “Who are you, and what have you done with Mia Rose?”

“I have no idea,” I said through an exhale, and we both shared a laugh.

Diane and I spent the entire day together, shopping for new clothes, having lunch, and getting to know each other. It was a fresh new begi

Diane did love my father, and she was learning to love me too.

Days passed in a whirlwind. I’d spent the majority of my time with Dad and Diane, and Ollie kept his distance. I hated it, but he encouraged the time with them. By the morning of the court date, I stood in front of the mirror, wearing a simple, sleeveless black dress Diane picked out. The hem hit mid-thigh, and the neckline was almost to my neck. The last time I wore a dress was the court date before Dolor, and I hoped this time around, things would go in my favor. My hair fell a little past my shoulders, and the only make-up I’d attempted was blush and mascara.

“Mia, you ready?” my dad called from the bottom of the stairs.

I didn’t answer.

“Mia Rose Jett!”

I smiled. “Two minutes!” I glanced up from my black heels and smoothed down the dress across my thighs, worrying the judge may take my disappearance as a sign that I wasn’t a changed woman. What if he decides he’s had enough and throws me in the mental institution? Or jail? My smile faded, and nerves set in, creeping from my numbed toes up to my neck. Suddenly, the neckline was too tight, constricting, and I wanted out of the dress. Balling my fists, I tried to breathe, and the room swayed.

Then I felt his hands around mine.

I lifted my head, and Ollie stood behind me, wearing black slacks, an ironed white button-down shirt, and a knockout grin. His green eyes took me in, and he ran his palms up the sides of my arms. “Breathe, my love. It’s going to be all right,” he whispered.

“How do you know?”

“Because, look,” he nudged his head in the mirror, “you’ve not only stayed with me, you’ve stayed with yourself. Not once have you given up. And if I’m not mistaken, you don’t need me anymore.” He cocked a brow and flashed a lopsided grin. “I think my job here is done.” I slapped him on the arm, and Ollie dropped his forehead over the back of my head, laughing.

“In all seriousness,” he continued and wrapped his arms around me. “You’re absolutely breathtaking,” his lips hit the rim of my ear, and the vibrations went through me as he rocked me back and forth in place, “I need six minutes with you alone.”

“Six?”

“One minute to admire you. Two to taste you. And three to lose myself inside you.”

“Only three?”

“If I’m being honest, I doubt I’ll last that long.”

The judge called my name, and Ollie gripped my hand before I stood and stepped up to the podium with my lawyer by my side. The lawyer was young, no older than thirty-five, and slender with side-swept chocolate-brown hair. He’d advised me before we entered the court room to be quiet and let him speak for me unless the judge questioned me directly. Roger was his name, I think.

It all happened fast. The judge and Roger spoke back and forth in legal jargon as I froze beside him, trying to focus on the judge’s hand movements and facial expressions. By the time I thought I had it figured it out, the judge had dropped the gavel and dismissed us.

I turned to leave, still unsure of what just occurred. Ollie, Diane, and my dad stood from the bench, and all their faces were blank. “What just happened? What did he say? Am I done?” I nervously drilled Roger out the door. I whipped my head around to see Ollie walking behind me, whispering to my dad. “It’s bad, isn’t it?”

Roger continued to ignore me until all five of us entered the hallway, and the courtroom door closed behind us. “Well,” he nodded, “that went well.”

“How well? Like free well?” I asked, looking between all four of them.

Ollie took a step toward me and cupped my face in his hands. “You’re free, love. It’s over.”

“Don’t do that to me,” I stomped my heel into the tile, “I saw your face, you looked like the judge sent me away again.”

“I told you it would be fine. I wasn’t surprised one bit with the outcome.” Ollie kissed my forehead and turned to Roger to shake his hand. “Mia’s dual citizenship still intact?”

“Yes, she can travel back and forth. No problem.”

“Thank you, Roger, but I never want to see you again,” Ollie said through a chuckle, and the rest followed suit, shaking Roger’s hand before he left. I felt lighter, and Ollie turned to face me again, releasing a drawn-out exhale and his eyes glossy. He felt lighter too. “Let’s get out of here, yeah?”