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I’m a dreamer, but I’m not afraid.
Not anymore.
For my entire life, I’d lived in a fantasy. I’d created my own world and got lost in it because I couldn’t believe in the reality around me. I was certain there was light and good out there. People who were kinder. Places that were warmer. Genuine smiles, honest laughs, and selfless love. It couldn’t all be a lie, because they were in stories. And inside every story, there was truth. Anything real was once imagined, and I found comfort in that, and until I could either find this world I’d believed in whole-heartedly or face my reality, I’d bring myself to the one I’d imaged because it was easier—safer.
I let Mia into my world, taking her away from the dark.
Together we danced, kissed, and made love behind the gates of our heaven.
And it was beautiful, poetic even.
I’m a man, but I’m not afraid anymore.
I’m not afraid to cry.
I’m not afraid to dream.
And I’m not afraid to pour my entire heart into her.
I wear my heart on my sleeve because I’m not afraid to get it broken. It was never mine anyway, it was everyone else’s. It was my mum’s when she made foolish mistakes, but she did the best she could under her circumstances. Perhaps she hasn’t always done the right thing, but she loved me the only way she understood how.
It was my brother’s because, despite the sickness inside his head, I couldn’t blame him. He was raised by a prostitute, with a brother who constantly escaped the harsh reality, and numerous punters with loads of advice on how to make it through in life. Perhaps he hasn’t always done the right thing, but he loved me the only way he knew how.
My heart was with Ethan because he loved Mia enough when I couldn’t. He protected her when I couldn’t. When the cruel world failed him, failed his sister, he did the only thing a person in his position would only think of. I see that now more than ever. And I admire his strength, his loyalty, and his devotion. Perhaps he hasn’t always done the right thing, but he loved Mia the only way he knew how, and I hope one day he’d be able to find love again …
My heart was with the father I never knew because he brought me into this world. Perhaps he decided not to be in my life, or maybe he never knew I existed, either way, it still lead me to her.
No, my heart was never mine. It was everyone else’s to mend, shape, slice, and stitch, all making me the man I am today. And for that, I love myself. Because whatever condition my heart is now in, Mia still treasures it all the same.
I’m still a dreamer, but I’m not afraid anymore.
Because I found her.
All I had to do was open my eyes.