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I pulled away from Bria’s grasp and shoved my fists into my pockets. Clenching. Controlling. Containing. “No, I don’t need your fucking pity.” Turning to face Maddie, I fought back the evil wanting to backhand her. “Stay away from Mia, and stay away from me.”
Sitting alone, I watched Mia from afar. I hid under a beanie and a hood, blindly swiveling my fork in whatever was on my tray with my attention on Mia like a vulture. My teeth hurt from constant grinding. With eyes fixed on her, I shoved my hand into my pocket and pulled out a piece of gum before popping it into my mouth.
She couldn’t see me, but I could see her.
Her smile was gone.
She sat, staring at the table before her as the rest of them talked around her like she didn’t matter. She was lost. She needed me. I need you more—so much it fucking hurt. I was a shadow, the dark side. I was once the light casting shadows. Now I didn’t know where this light was coming from that caused me to still … simply exit.
Yes, I do.
That light was the constant reminder of what was waiting for me after this darkness would leave. It pointed above me like a flashlight—the memory of us. Instead of standing in it, with my hand in hers, I was cast to the bottom as a black silhouette. A different shade. The shade of being without.
A place I never wanted to be.
My eyes never left hers as I plotted my next move until it hurt too much. Then I clenched my eyes closed, disco
My eyes stung from the inability to shed a single tear since the moment she left me on my knees at my door. My heart was turning cold. I felt it spread to my bones. All the warmth, gone. Tighter, I screwed my eyes together. The clinking increased, the only sound now in my ears.
I couldn’t even imagine her kiss anymore. I couldn’t imagine up a single moment of us together. All I saw was the darkness.
And then I was transported, shifted to a time I never wanted to remember.
It’s cold—too cold. The only warmth is me in this small closet. Though, if I take my hands off my ears to hug myself, I hear the cries. “O,” I whisper through the pitch black. His outline is visible from the light that bleeds through the hole of the door—the hole an angry old man punched through when he heard me cry. So, now I stay silent, as quiet as I can.
Oscar’s breathing grows louder as his fingers wrap around his knob when I wish they were around me, keeping me warm. I try to look away, but I can’t. He’s on his knees, eyes watching over my mum. He’s probably making sure she doesn’t get hurt again, but it looks like he’s hurting himself instead, the way his hand is moving angrily up and down his knob. Maybe he has to go potty. He doesn’t need to do that. It just comes out by itself. You just get the feeling.
“Come here,” O whispers, one hand on his knob, the other waving me over. I don’t want to move from this spot though. When I don’t, his hand reaches behind my neck and forces me forward, and pins me against the door. “Mum is getting fucked. Soon you’ll be able to do that. Not to her, because that’s gross, but you’ll be able to fuck girls like a real man.”
My eyes remain shut as I try to pull away, refusing to acknowledge the sin I know is before me. Oscar pinches my neck, the pain cuts through me, causing my eyes to pop open. Mum is leaning over the kitchen counter and I can’t turn away, but my brain begs to turn it off—to make it stop.
My mum rocks harshly, slamming against the counter as he slams in from behind her, and her head falls back.
No, it didn’t fall.
He yanked it.
The demon has his hands in her raven-black hair, as his hairy chest beats against her back.
“No,” I breathe.
“Yes,” O hisses. “Soon enough, I’ll take over the business. You and me, brother. We can finally get out of this hole, have this fucking town and all the pussy eating out of the palm of our hands.” I want to ask what he means, but I can’t say more. Oscar’s fingers dig into the back of my neck, the cold grips me, the cries from my mum slice through me, and what I see stains me. “But I’ll call the shots, Oliver,” he breathes, each word comes out harsh and uneven. “And if you ever touch one of my girls, I’ll make you watch me beat into them until you’ll want to tear your own eyes out. That’s a promise, brother.” Oscar slams me against the cold wall, and although it hurts, I’m just thankful I can’t see mum anymore.
Oscar hits his palm against the doorframe as his body jerks forward until he turns to mush. With a small tilt of his head, his eyes pierce mine.
Evil. Dark. Wicked.
I grimace.
“Don’t worry, Oliver. I’ll find you a nice fa My eyes flew open to see Mia gone. Her entire table vanished. I sca I’d always remembered my past. Memories had always haunted me, feasted on me, but it had always been a constant reminder of the kind of man I refused to be. But since I’d been playing nice with the pills, the demons inside had different plans for my past. They used it to taunt me, to aggravate me, and to laugh at me. Jerry appeared beside me. “Time to go.” Angrily, I pushed out of my chair, gathered my rubbish, and disposed of it in the can in passing. My thoughts lingered to its usual place—Mia. Tension wrapped its fingers around my skull, digging its nails into my bones. Moving down the wing, I sensed Mia near. The buzz in my soul was unmistakable. My heart vibrated inside its cage the devil created, and my shameless dick ached to be inside her, to remind her. Halfway down the hall, I stopped in my tracks and lifted my head until my eyes met hers. Pajama pants I’d never seen before laid low on her hips. I’d known every article of clothing she’d once owned. I didn’t know anymore because I lived in a world without her. Lost wet strands stuck to her neck along with the beads of water she failed to dry off as the rest of her hair piled carelessly on top of her head. Mia’s golden-brown eyes pi She was perfectly fine, never slipped. Perhaps she had always been fine without me. Mia had me imprisoned in the heartache, and it hurt to look at her. The agony intensified, burrowing into the marrow of my bones. I wished I could rip them out. Standing feet away, I took notice in the way her tiny hairs raised over her bare arms. My eyes roamed over her, inch by inch. Goosebumps coated her, and my eyes made the journey down to her bra-less chest, staring at me, taunting me like the bloody shadows. She turned away, and I wanted her to stop this pain eating away at me—put me out of my misery. It was the least she could do. She lost her bloody grip, yet I still loved her to the point I hated her. And right now, I wanted to fuck her to show her how much. Like when water was so cold, it burned.