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Chapter Six
“I’m stuck between I’ll never be enough
and no one else will ever love you more.”
—Oliver Masters
ollie.
“OLIVER MASTERS, YOU’RE BACK,” Arty declared as soon as I took a seat on my usual chair during group therapy. My attention automatically sailed to Mia across from me. A constant reminder I was absolute rubbish. I tried talking to her all weekend, but she was smart and stayed away.
Maddie took a seat beside me. I rolled my head back and crossed my ankle over my knee. “Yeah, glad you’re back, Ollie.” Her filthy hand landed on my thigh, and I dusted it off with a bad taste in my mouth. Another reminder of the piece of shit I was.
Turning my head toward Jake beside me, I nudged him with my elbow. “I’m sorry, mate. I shouldn’t have said those things Friday.”
Jake pursed his lips and crossed his arms.
The silent treatment? Real mature, Jake.
Arty cleared his throat. “Let’s get caught up on everyone’s summer. I went back home to Egypt to spend the holiday with family, which can be demanding,” he chuckled, “I couldn’t wait to come back. How about you, Maddie. How was your summer here on campus?”
“B-O-R-I-N-G,” Maddie spelled out.
Mia laughed. “And here I thought she couldn’t spell.”
I stifled my laugh with the tips of my fingers and adjusted in my seat, stealing a look at my girl across the room. Mia smiled, but her eyes remained locked on Maddie. Even her fake smile was no longer intended for me.
“Oliver,” Arty re-directed, “Your summer?”
With eyes fixed on Mia, I responded, “Locked in a cell. Nothing to it.”
“Well glad to see you made it out in one piece.”
Arty continued to ask around the smaller group as my eyes feasted on Mia, waiting for her to see me. For a little trace or indication she still held on to us. Her finger twirled around a strand of hair as she bit her lip, and I could hardly sit still. My knee picked up the bloody bouncing, and all I needed was to feel myself inside her again. It was selfish, what I’d done and what I knew I’d continue to do.
As soon as I allowed Maddie to kiss me in the woods, I’d wanted to drive my head through a tree. My heart demanded I run after her as soon as she took off. But my brain laughed at the incident like I told a ridiculous joke. If I ran after her, I would have made things worse for myself, digging an even deeper grave.
Each time my mouth opened, it said things I didn’t mean.
Each time I moved, it contradicted everything my heart screamed.
I had no control.
“How’s your support group, Mia?” Arty asked, and even her name coming from someone else’s mouth sounded like poetry.
Her pretty lips moved as her voice flooded my ears. “Good, and I’d like to take this time to invite anyone to come talk to me afterward if they are interested in attending. The group is closed and anonymous.”
“Oh, for girls who are sexually abused?” Maddie huffed, “You mean for little bitches who can’t take it—
Arty quickly silenced her. Mia paid her no attention.
She was clothed in strength, but it no longer was because of me.
I wondered if this redheaded bloke had something to do with it.
Once I approached our wing, my sights landed on Maddie’s tall and ski
“Looking for you,” she said with a wicked smile and met me halfway in the empty hallway. Everyone must be in their rooms or gathered in the mess hall waiting for di
“That’s not my room anymore, and why are you looking for me?”
Maddie’s lashes fluttered over her dark brown eyes under her bangs. She had similar features to Mia, and it wasn’t until I met Mia when I understood how my heart could have been confused. The eyes were almost the same, though Mia’s were a golden-brown when we were together. Maddie stood a few inches taller, with hair a tad lighter. My body reacted to the familiarity of what it thought it wanted, but it knew for certain when Mia came around.
“We’re always around people, we haven’t had a chance to talk,” she said through a small smile. Her hand reached out, and I took a step back.
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“I knew you would come back around, no? I just needed to get ya back on the meds.”
“You’ve gone mad.” I took a step away from her, but she blocked me.
“You and me, it’s going to happen. It’s only a matter of time. You’ll fall right back into becoming the man whore again. I know everything. You think she’ll stay with you after seeing that side?” My hand found her throat, and before I knew it, she was against the cement wall. Maddie’s eyes mocked me, not one ounce of fear clouding her face. Her hand slipped over my dick, and she sucked in her lips. “There he is. There’s the Ollie I remember.”
“Stop,” I warned through a clenched jaw.
Maddie laughed, and I tightened my grip while she tightened hers. Both of us daring the other to pull away first. Her fingers rubbed over my swelling cock before I snatched her wrist and slammed it against the cement.
“Fu
My hand released from her throat, and I backed away, shaking my head. “I’m nothing like my brother.
The taunts followed me back to my room before I slammed the door in her face. Maddie grew too close to Oscar and knew too much. The scary thing was, she was right. The summer on the pills over a year ago drove my dick into almost every girl as if it were looking for something.
It was Mia all along.
And perhaps I should keep Mia away, but nothing would let me.
She was my life source, and though I was confused by a lot, I was certain of one thing: I needed her. Like breathing, I fucking needed her.
Strolling into di
“Masters,” he said casually, keeping his eyes in front of him—keeping his eyes on Mia. “I told you last week. I’m not getting in the middle of whatever tosh you’re involved with.”
“You’re already in the middle of it.” I already knew. Hell, I knew. I saw the way Mia looked at him, and it was the same way she used to look at me. “I’m not all together, I know, and I appreciate you being everything I can’t right now,” Ethan shifted in place and crossed his arms over his chest as I continued, “but I’m not an idiot either. No matter how bad you wish it could be you, it will never be. It will always be me.”
Ethan tore his eyes away from Mia to me. We stood there, same height, same agenda, different hearts when he finally spoke up. “You think you can fuck up and expect her to be unchanged by it?” Ethan averted his gaze back to Mia. Both of us watching her smile and sign words to Zeke. “Look at her, Masters. She’s not the same person you left seven months ago. She’s already learned how to live without you.”
Ethan dug his hand into his pocket and smacked the contents against my chest. “Don’t ask me for any more favors.”
I took the pack of gum from him without looking, counting on it being my flavor. A te