Stay with me

Chapter Twenty-Two

“I knew it was forever

when I cherished our

conversation as much

as our love making.”

—Oliver Masters

TWISTING OLLIE’S RING around my pointer finger, I waited for him to stroll through those doors. Even though he’d put the ring over my ring finger, my thumb or pointer were the only two it didn’t fall entirely off from. I ran my thumb over the scroll of the ring, feeling its edges, its swirls, taking in its silver beauty with black lines. Intricate details. He’d never told me where the ring was from, or what it meant to him, but the fact his promise to me was now tied to the ring was all I needed to never be without it.

It was a Wednesday, and our last day before Christmas break. The professors left for two long weeks on holiday—but our Christmas would be spent on Dolor grounds. We were punished, not them. But a Christmas with Ollie was a far cry from a punishment.

In psychology, I sat in the back. As soon as Ollie entered the room, his smile sent a warming circulation within me. His hair grew longer, crazier, piling over his head. The lopsided wave transformed into a tsunami, but it only meant more for me to hold on to. He took his seat before Dr. Kippler arrived.

Dr. Kippler, disheveled and sloppy as ever, apologized for his tardiness like every day before.

There was no class after lunch today, only my counseling session with Dr. Conway. I wanted to trust her, but after what had happened with Maddie, I couldn’t bring myself to let my guard down again. Why would she make an exception for someone who isn’t assigned to her?

None of it made sense to me.

Jealousy.

I was jealous and territorial over my counselor. It sounded ridiculous, I know. “That sick feeling in your stomach, the knotted pit growing when you saw Maddie talking to me, or heard she got to Dr. C. That’s jealousy, Mia. Jealousy will destroy you if you let it,” Ollie had said to me.

Though I was considered an adult, the child who’d never gotten to live still resided within me. Having no experience with the multitude of emotions sweeping through me on a day-to-day basis had me questioning everything I thought I knew. All the research I’d done, now out the door.

When they were your own emotions, everything changed.

The halls were quiet as I quickly walked back to my dorm from Dr. Conway’s office. I took the stairs two at a time, rushing to get into my sweats, rushing to get to Ollie. We were almost finished with The Notebook, and I would still agree to the fact I hated reading, but having him read to me had become my favorite part of my week—next to our sexcapades.

“Whoa, darling. Where you off to in such a hurry?” Oscar asked as soon as my foot came off the last step. His gelled hair was combed back as his dark eyes sliced into me, charring my bones to ashes.

“My dorm,” I said flatly, pushing past him. I’d been trying to avoid him since my return from the Looney Bin, but each time our paths crossed, his perseverance had only strengthened with time.

He snatched me by the arm and pi

“I’ve seen this ring before. Where did you get this?” he asked, examining the ring on my hand. Jerking my hand from his hold, I took the ring off and slipped it into my pocket. My most treasured item. I had to keep it safe. “Mia, where did you get that?”

“It was a gift. A family heirloom,” I lied, then ducked under his arm and attempted to take a step from his stifling space. He pressed his hand against my chest as he slammed me back against the wall.

“Oh, no you don’t,” he growled.

Trembling, I asked, “What do you want from me?” He became more confident, surer of himself and the hold he had over me.

“What you owe me.” Oscar gri

“Please stop,” I begged. “Just stop this.”

“You know what they say when a girl says no.”

He didn’t stop, only rubbed his fingers more forcefully over the fabric of my jeans and I shook my head violently. Oscar grabbed my chin. His cigarette breath coated my lips. “Stop fighting it, Mia. It’s better that way.” And then he let me go with a single step back. “I’ll see you real soon, darling.”

I ran the rest of the way back to my dorm. Clicking the lock behind me, I fell back against my door and slid down until my bottom hit the marble. If I told Ollie, he would do something to get himself kicked out. If I told Dr. Conway, Oscar would only use my record against me and say it was all lies. He would say I had come onto him. Every time, Oscar reminded me of the repercussions, scaring me so I wouldn’t run. And it worked.

A rap at my door caused me to wince. Crawling away from the door, I waited.

Another knock.

“Mia, it’s me.”

I jumped to my feet and unlocked the door. As soon as it opened, I flung myself around Ollie, wrapping my arms around his neck and digging my head into his chest. He stroked my hair with one hand while wrapping the other around my back as he held me tight. “Shit, Mia. What happened?”

I was only able to shake my head, so he walked me into my room and closed the door behind us. “We talked about this. You have to talk to me,” he said, pulling my head off his chest and searching my face. “Please, this is fucking killing me …”

“I can’t, Ollie. I wish I could, but I can’t. Not this.” The tears fell rapidly. “I can’t tell you and it’s for your own good.”

“You keep saying that, but it doesn’t change the fact I can’t do anything to fix this until you talk to me.”

“Just read to me.”

And after I changed into my sweatpants and pulled his hoodie over my head, he did.

He read chapter after chapter, threading his fingers down my hair and over my back. His comforting touch soothed me from the moment he was unaware of.

Forcing myself to focus on Noah and Allie’s troubles, my thoughts were slowly stolen by Oscar. He invaded my reading time, my moments with Ollie, my brain.

If I allowed this to go on any further, it might bring me back to a place I had worked so hard to get out of. Was my mind capable of building a switch again, then flipping it? Would Oscar bring back my walls? I wasn’t going to make the same mistake again. Telling someone was my only option. Dr. Conway was my only option. Either she wouldn’t believe me, and I would be forced back to the psych ward permanently, or all the lights inside me would shut off again if Oscar went too far. Either way, I would be defeated.

But what if she did believe me?

In two weeks, she would return.

I only needed to get by for two more weeks.

“I know something Ollie doesn’t know,” Maddie sang as she approached me in the hall. Christmas was in six days, but Dolor didn’t necessarily reek of holiday spirit. There was a small tree set up in the corner of the mess hall, but its lack of lights and ornaments made it look like a bad joke. It had been a donation—a pity donation by someone who only wanted to feel good about themselves during the holidays. Without classes to keep us occupied, and half the staff gone, the campus felt like a ghost town.