Stay with me

Nothing could.

I was already gone.

It wasn’t until jr. high when he’d realized I was different from other kids. It was around the same time Diane had shown up in his life when she’d pointed out everything that wasn’t “normal” about me. He’d explained what I’d been through, but she’d accepted it all as excuses. She’d make comments here and there when she thought I wasn’t listening, but I’d heard everything, and it had never bothered me because I was already gone. He’d done his fatherly duty and sent me to counseling, a psychiatrist, many doctors, but nothing had ever gotten through to me because I was already gone.

My need to rebel was to get under their skin. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t sad. I was only tired of my dad and Diane regularly sending me here and there as if it would have made a difference. They’d bounced me around, handing me off so they wouldn’t have to deal with me.

They wanted me gone.

Memories came flooding back times a hundred, but all I felt was the calm of the storm. The rage inside drifted throughout, but it was a different kind of anger. The calm kind, if there was such a thing. Ollie’s voice inside my head reminded me to stay with him, and I did. I wouldn’t allow my havoc to blow out the flame.

Even in his death, I refused to allow my uncle take one more thing away from me.