Stay with me

Chapter Thirteen

“Some search

their entire lives

for this single moment.

Don’t blink, my love.

We’re finally here.”

—Oliver Masters

LIFE CONSISTS OF tiny moments—moments that define you, moments that shape you, moments that lead you down a path of reflection, self-discovery, and purpose. These heartbeats of moments are collections of who you are and who you are meant to be—little moments. And we only remember the ones that have impacted our souls.

Until now, I had genuinely believed my soul had left me a long time ago. I would never forget this moment that made me realize it had never really been gone, only locked away behind trauma, lies, and utter denial. I’d stomped on my past, forcing it into obscurity. If I believed it had never happened, it hadn’t. I’d hid behind my denial for so long, my past became nonexistent.

My reflection burned in his emotion-filled eyes as his inked and sweaty body trembled to hold himself up after his release. In this pivotal moment, he unconsciously reminded me my soul was still there, begging for redemption as he silently pleaded for reciprocation—pleading for me to remember. To confront the demons of my past, and the same trauma I never could as a child. It would be then, and only then, he could have me completely. He knew this. I knew this. After all, with him was where my soul belonged.

But I handled the situation the only way I knew how.

I rejected it.

Because no matter how deep our co

Fear was the biggest culprit, lurking in the shadows outside the walls that rebuilt in a matter of seconds. It was Guilt who took over my senses, and it was Anger who controlled my body and drove out my soul. While my barriers were down, it was these three demons that haunted me whenever I was alone. And eventually, I would be alone again. It was inevitable.

So, up the walls went like clockwork. My subconscious was my shield, having complete control. I tried to hold on—with every fiber of my being—to the rapture we had created together, but the master of my heart ultimately won. The rage formed by my three demons took over, drowning out any remaining chance of my heart staying with him.

Ollie noticed the shift in my eyes immediately.

“No, Mia.” He shook his head. “Fuck. Stay with me.” He cupped my face in his hands, but I pushed him off me. My rage escalated, and it was too late. My feet found the floor as I searched for my clothes.

“Bloody hell, slow down and come here,” Ollie whisper-shouted as he brought the sheet around him and sat over the edge of the bed, confusion clear across his face. Ignoring him, I slipped my jeans back on and threw a random shirt over my head. Unable to sit still, I paced the dorm, my head shaking the moment away.

“Please, you have to talk to me,” Ollie pressed as he got into his pants. I glanced over at him, and despair struck in his green eyes.

My feet took long steps toward him, and I pushed him once in the chest. “What the hell was that?” I hit him again. He became my anger. He became my muse. He became everything hiding inside me, and he was the one to bring it all out—and I hated him. With a passion, I hated him. My arms flung at him as I screamed out. “What did you do to me?!”

Ollie gripped my flailing arms and turned me around to pin my back against his long torso. “I fucking hate you!” I screamed, and Ollie placed his hand over my mouth to silence me.

“I’ll be your punching bag if it’s what you need,” he choked out. “Whatever it will take to get you past this.”

I jerked my head from his hand and turned to face him. “Get past this? Am I a game to you? A conquest?”

His eyes glossed over—hazy. He shook his head as tears gathered at the corners, threatening to fall. “God, no, Mia. I care about you, alright? More than I’ve ever cared for anyone or anything.”

“You need to leave. Now.” I reached my breaking point, and Ollie reached his.

“No, I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what you’re feeling.”

“Right now, I feel … I feel …” I searched inside me, and there was absolutely nothing. “I told you I don’t feel, Ollie. What the hell do you want from me?”

Ollie took a step back and whispered, “You, Mia. I just want you.” He studied my face for a moment as his tears held on by a thread. All it would take was one blink of his eyes, and they would roll down his cheeks.

There was so much he wanted to say, but I was already gone, and Ollie was defeated.

He let my arms go, took in a deep breath, and glanced around the room until he located his shirt. “You hate me. It’s a feeling, and I’ll take it for now, but we have something, Mia. I don’t know what it is yet, but it’s real, and it’s rare, and I’m not letting it go. You can deny it and push it down as much as you want, but we’re both here for a reason, and until you start realizing what’s going on, I’ll be the one to show you.” He paused and slipped his shirt over his head. “I’ll continue to fight for as long as it takes.”

I glanced up at Ollie in silence as his lively eyes searched mine one last time, but there was no going back to him. He closed his eyes, let out a breath, then turned and walked out the door.

Inevitable.

Life with Ollie was like a broken record.

Numb. Ollie. The walls fell. Feelings. Memories. Anger. Without Ollie. Walls rebuilt. Numb. Repeat.

A tedious cycle no one had prepared me for on the flight to the United Kingdom. I had thought my barriers were invincible—not susceptible to a beautiful creature walking an offbeat path filled with unrealistic notions.

Eventually, the side effects of Ollie Masters would wear off, but all I needed to do was keep my distance from him. As long as he stayed away, I would stay numb.

It was six in the morning. Since there were no classes on Fridays, I pla

And I was right.

I reached into the stall to start the water, then stared blindly at myself in the mirror and noticed a few changes. My eyebrows had always been thick, but without the ability to pluck them, they looked even fuller. I was growing to like my freckles. Maybe once I left this place, I wouldn’t cover them up any longer.

“I’m starting to think you are avoiding us,” a high-pitched voice said, breaking me away from myself. Bria strolled toward me with her clothes pi

“Your thoughts are correct.” I stepped into the shower and undressed, but her questions didn’t stop.

“You didn’t make it to Ollie’s last night. Did something happen?” she asked as the sound of her shower turned on beside me.

“Nope.”

“Eh, it was boring, anyway. Ollie was in a mood, and no one wants to be around Ollie when he’s in a mood,” she called out over the sound of the water. “Why don’t you hang out with us today? After breakfast, we’re heading out to the woods.”

“No, thanks.”

My curtain opened with an a