Stay with me

Chapter Six

“Beauty and pain will invade the same.”

—Oliver Masters

THE PARADOX OF A hug was even though it was physically comforting, the healing properties to your mental state was just as powerful—if not more. For so long I had been under the impression I was so dead inside, I didn’t need hugs. Though I lived with emotional detachment disorder, why did I so severely crave something so simple as a damn hug? And with my condition, why did it comfort me in the way it did?

Yes, I’d researched studies on human contact and the power of touch in my spare time, like I’d researched everything else under the moon. I’d wanted answers to everything—why people did the things they did—because I couldn’t understand an action as simple as a hug, and even after all my research, I was still left confused. It wasn’t until now, with Ollie’s warm arms around me, his body pressed against mine, when I understood everything I had been reading. With Ollie, I’d found a safe place. I’d found refuge from the storm inside my head.

But as comforting as it felt, it was just as scary. And the fear slowly grew bigger and bigger, pulling Ollie’s safety net out from under me with a force so much more powerful—the force of my past.

Instinctively, I pulled away and Ollie quickly searched my face. When he looked into my eyes—really looked—his face fell, and he slowly shook his head. “Where did you go?”

The air in my chest tightened as I knitted my brows together. “What do you mean? I’m right here.” I understood him, though. A part of me was slipping.

He placed his hand over my cheek, and his warmth battled the gradually consuming cold. “Your eyes … Something’s changed.”

I pulled his hands away and rolled off the mattress until I got to my feet. “I have to go.” Frantically, I searched the room as if I was leaving something behind. Oh, right, my books. I picked up my books off the floor and took one last glance at Ollie. He lay confused over the mattress as if I’d pulled a chair out from under him. “I’ll … um … I’ll see you later.”

Then, I walked out the door.

After di

Isaac was brushing his teeth in boxers with beer mugs all over them, and Alicia sat on the sink beside him, talking his ear off.

“It’s always busy in here at night. When is the best time to come?” I asked as I sat my things down beside Alicia.

“In the morning,” Bria said as she exited the shower stall fully dressed with a towel wrapped around her hair. “You have a better chance sharing a shower than finding your own this late at night.”

Ollie strolled out of the shower beside Bria’s with black boxer briefs clinging to his glistening skin. A collection of black and white tattoos was painted along his chest and stomach as birds flew up his sides toward his back from a pair of hands. It was the first time I’d seen him this close without a shirt on, and the artwork hypnotized me.

Everything was black and white—the symbols on each bicep, the artwork scattering up his arms, and in the center of his torso, right below his chest, tree roots spiraled together into a silhouette of two people. He shook his head, and his hair sprayed water in all directions, knocking me out of his trance. When his eyes fell on mine, I lost the ability to move my feet as his lips parted. “Hi, love,” I think he said, but my head felt submerged underwater.

“You coming through tonight, Mia, or what?” Isaac asked, pulling me from the tide.

I snapped my head to the side. “What’s tonight?”

“We celebrate Thursday nights with something special,” Bria whispered as her gaze roamed over the rest of them.

My gaze followed behind hers as everyone’s faces lit up. Ollie dropped his head and turned away, and I wondered if he didn’t want me to find out about it. “No, I’m good.”

“Oh, c’ mon, Mia. You can embrace us with your talents,” Jake cut in. I narrowed my eyes at him and gave him a shut-up look. The last thing I needed was everyone requesting a read from me. I wasn’t a circus act. What I had to say about the five of them would only hurt feelings, and once I opened my mouth, it was impossible to stop.

“What talents?” Ollie asked as he towel dried his hair.

“Nothing. Forget it.” I disappeared behind the curtain and undressed, hoping the topic would cease.

“She wasn’t fun, anyway. A waste of perfectly good vodka.” Bria’s whiney bitterness bounced off the tiles. “She doesn’t deserve what we have in store tonight.”

I saw right through her reverse psychology, but I couldn’t understand why she wanted me there in the first place. She’d made it perfectly clear she didn’t like me and didn’t want me going after Isaac or Ollie.

“Still not coming, Bria,” I shouted from under the water.

I did want to go—shit—but for some reason, I had to prove a point. I wasn’t under Bria’s influence like the rest of them, and although she couldn’t control me, it did sound way better than staring at the ceiling in my room.

“Don’t listen to her, Mia. Come and have a good time,” Jake’s voice boomed as the rest of them whispered to one another.

Rolling my head back under the water, I weighed my options. “I’ll think about it,” was all I could come up with at the moment.

Everyone had disappeared by the time I exited the shower, and I had one minute to get back to the dorm before the doors locked automatically for the night. After barreling down the hall, I made it safely behind my steel door with seconds to spare.

Jake, Isaac, and I sat around the blanket sprawled out on the floor in its usual place. Ollie sat on his mattress with his back against the wall, a touchy Bria beside him.

Alicia hadn’t made it tonight, and it was even more awkward without her fearless mouth and spunky attitude to fill the void.

“What’s so special about tonight?” I asked as the chatter disintegrated.

Ollie reached into the pocket of his sweatpants and pulled out a small plastic bag. Isaac sprang to his feet and crossed the small space to snatch it out of his hand. “No fucking way.”

“Calm down, junkie. You think I’m feeding your roxie and oxy addiction? It’s only mandy,” Ollie said as Isaac examined the bag.

I lifted my head in Jake’s direction. “What’s mandy?”

“Ecstasy.”

“Oh, we call it molly.”

“Have you ever done it before?” Ollie asked from the mattress.

“Yeah. Once,” I lied. Just because I was considered “no good” didn’t mean I had a history with drugs, but confessing my lack of experience would only start another conversation I didn’t want to have.

“Tonight’s about to get weird,” Isaac said, emptying the tablets into his hand. He was usually quiet, and this was the first time I’d seen him excited about anything. His dark brown eyes flicked over to me as he dropped a small pill into the palm of my hand.

Glancing over at Ollie, I popped the pill into my mouth and he slowly shook a disapproving head.

After the second tablet, it didn’t take long for the effects to kick in. Jake’s eyes went wide beside me. “Whoa,” he said, or moaned—I couldn’t tell anymore. “Mia, can I ask you a question? Actually, I’m not going to ask you … I’m just going to ask,” Jake rambled, “should I go back to Jacob, or is Jake really a cooler name?”