Hate me

Aspen

“Anyway,” Knox states, his voice gruff. “After Shadow died, I knew something wasn’t right. I thought maybe it was a warning from…someone.” He runs a hand over his scalp and sighs. “But when I found the fingers buried in the backyard…I knew it was my father and he was preparing to set me up.” 

Oh, God. 

I want to reach over, pull him to my chest, and console him—because what he’s been through is so much worse than I could have ever conceived—but Knox shakes his head. 

Respecting his request to not be touched right now, I sink against the seat. 

Everything about him makes so much sense now. His standoffish behavior, the way he never lets anyone inside, the rumors going around school…even the way he has sex. 

He needs the pain and to feel in control when he fucks.

Knox turns his head and gazes out the window, almost like he can’t bear the thought of looking at me anymore because he’s shown me his demons. 

But I’m not judging him…because none of this was his fault. 

He was just a boy. 

“You’re not a monster.” Grabbing his chin, I force him to look at me because I need him to understand. “You didn’t deserve what happened to you.” He tries to turn away, but I don’t let him. “What I feel for you hasn’t changed.” 

It will never change. 

“Then you’re stupid,” he mutters. 

“I’m many things, but stupid isn’t one of them.” 

I glance at the clock on the dashboard of his jeep. The bus leaves in twenty minutes, but the questions I have keep piling up with every second that passes. 

I wonder why he never told anyone about the abuse? Although, now that I think about it, it’s obvious. His father is a powerful FBI agent and instilled fear from the moment Knox took his first breath. 

But still, you’d think someone would have noticed. A nurse, a teacher, a relative…

My mind flits back to what he said earlier. 

“Before, you said you thought it was a warning from someone. Who?” 

He brings a cigarette to his mouth. “You should go.”

The way he’s dismissing me churns my insides. It’s clear he knows something important. 

“Knox.” My blood pressure rises because I need him to tell me. “Who did you think killed those girls?” 

His expression turns hard and a stream of smoke wafts through the air. “Leo.” 

It takes everything in me not to laugh. Leo isn’t a saint, but he’s definitely not a murderer. The man wouldn’t hurt a fly. 

“Why in the world would you think it was Leo?” 

His casts me a sad glance and that only makes this dreadful feeling forming in the pit of my stomach worse. 

“Because he isn’t who you think he is, Aspen.” His jaw sets. “And he’s killed before.” 

What? I clutch the duffle bag again, bracing myself. 

“What do you mean he’s killed before? Who?” 

The groove in his forehead deepens and sorrow colors his face. The fact that he’s looking at me with so much pity after what he just shared sends bile surging up my throat. 

“Leo shot your father.” 

The words are like a bullet piercing my skin, puncturing my insides until I’m bleeding out. 

But I don’t want to believe it.  

“No.” I shake my head vehemently, unwilling to accept it. Leo was my dad’s best friend and my dad loved him. 

“You’re lying.” Blood rushes in my ears as I glare at him. I don’t know why Knox thinks this, but he’s wrong. “The man who shot my father confessed. Leo told me he didn’t even try to deny it when the police tracked him down at his house.” My hand flies to my chest. “Hell, the bastard said he deserved it when they dragged him out in cuffs.” 

The anger is back on Knox’s face as he punches the steering wheel. “Leo lied, Aspen.”

“What makes you—”

“Because I overhead Leo and my dad talking about how he shot him and my dad covered it up. My dad even found a suspect to pin it on. Some old guy who lived in a trailer park with a history of violence and schizophrenia.” A muscle in his jaw bunches. “It didn’t make sense to me because my uncle and your dad were friends. At first, I thought it was just about the money and Leo being greedy, but then it became clear there was another component.” 

“What other component?” 

But he doesn’t even need to tell me because something clicks painfully in my mind. 

Me. 

My breath stalls, and my eyes fill with moisture. I feel so sick. So gross and disgusting. Even though my dad’s death isn’t my fault, I can’t help but feel like it is. 

Knox wraps his fingers around my wrists, pulling me toward him as tears stream down my face and my lungs seize.

“Tell me you’re lying,” I beg, because the truth hurts so bad, I can’t take it. 

His fingers brush my wet cheek, wiping my tears. “I wish I was.” 

“How long have you known about this?” 

“I overheard their conversation a few days after the funeral.” 

I mull this over in my mind, but it only makes me feel worse. Knox has been sitting on this for years and never once told me.   

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Cupping my face, he scoffs. “You mean aside from the fact that you hated me and wouldn’t have believed me even if I did?” His hand slides to the nape of my neck. “I couldn’t trust you back then, Stray. For all I know you would have told Leo—the man you were not only sleeping with, but thought the world of—and he would have told my dad—”

“That’s why Leo wanted me to stay away from you.” Leo’s words at the hotel that night play back in my mind. “He told me you weren’t right in the head. That you were dangerous.” I look down because I feel so stupid for believing him. “That you killed your mom.” 

But really, he was just scared that Knox would tell me he was the real psychopath. 

Him and his brother. 

Jesus. This whole thing is such a mess and I don’t know how we can fix it or make them pay.

That’s when another thought occurs to me.  

Knox got me a bus ticket. Not himself. 

Because there is no we anymore. 

Heart hammering, I study him. “What are you going to do?” 

His expression shuts down as he lights another cigarette. “Don’t worry about it.” 

I balk because he can’t be serious right now. He can’t just dump this on my lap and tell me not to worry about it. 

Not to worry about him. 

“Knox—”

“I have a plan, okay? But if my plan doesn’t work, at least the one I have for you will. That’s all that fucking matters.” 

I have no idea what that ominous statement is supposed to mean, but it makes my chest cave in. 

“Can you at least tell me what this plan of yours is? Maybe there’s a hole in it. Maybe there’s a better one we can figure out together. Maybe—”

He presses a finger to my lips, silencing me. “Your bus leaves in five minutes.” 

Before I can protest, he gets out of the jeep, walks around to my side, and opens the door. 

Tears well in my eyes all over again. “I don’t want to leave you.” 

His hand curls around my neck, drawing me into a kiss so intense I feel it everywhere. I fist his shirt, not wanting to let go because I’m afraid of what will happen if I do. 

My eyes flutter closed as he kisses a path to my ear and rasps, “I couldn’t save her, but I can save you.” Placing his hand on mine, he wretches the fabric from my grasp. “It’s time for you to go, Stray.”  

Thinking quick, I undo the pearls around my neck.