Hate me

That I wasn’t doing this because I was an evil monster like my father…

I was doing it to survive. 

He made me cut out her heart as a show of good faith, to prove that I joined the dark side in order to not suffer the same fate. 

For the first time ever, pride illuminated his face when I held the organ up. 

And then his expression darkened. “Now shove it in her mouth.” 

Vomit churned in my gut as I held her chin down and did what he asked. 

I was positive I couldn’t take anymore, but he wasn’t finished quite yet. 

“Cut off her finger.”

A wave of dizziness washed over me and the knife slipped several times before I finally severed her pointer finger and dropped it into his gloved hand. 

“Very good.” A smile twisted my father’s lips as he took the knife from me and placed it, along with the finger, into a zip-lock bag. “I’ll make a man out of you yet, boy.” He pointed to her body. “Now place your head on her stomach and sob. That’s how I want the police to find you.” 

I did as he instructed, silently praying my mother would forgive me for my sins. 

That she’d understand. 

I recoiled when he reached into the pocket of my jeans and pulled out the yellow ribbon. 

“It’s mom’s,” I lied, hoping like hell he would believe me. 

Because if he knew the truth, it would be one more thing he could use against me. 

One more punishment he’d force me to endure. 

Another thing he could take away from me. 

My father didn’t say a word as he stood and tucked the ribbon into the breast pocket of his suit. 

I hated him. So much I could feel it immersing in my marrow. 

The only thing that gave me any kind of solace was knowing that I’d eventually get revenge. 

And one day…I’d kill him.