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“Oh, come on,” Cole whines. “It was just getting good.”
I point to the door. “Go.”
Sulking, they both stand up and head out.
I roll my eyes when they stop to give Oakley a pound before they leave.
I’m slipping into bed when a piece of paper slides under my door.
For a moment I debate leaving it there, but I find myself walking over and unfolding it.
Would you have been strong and beautiful like your mother?
Or would you be lost and confused like your father?
All these questions in my head, but none of them will ever be answered.
And even though you were gone too soon, one thing's for sure.
You might not have been pla But were loved and you were wanted. My knees go weak and tears blur my vision as I take in his words. The organ in my chest beats a painful rhythm against my ribcage as I drop to the floor and press my cheek to the door. “It hurts so bad.” It’s the worst ache I’ve ever felt. His voice is a painful thread cutting through the silence. “I know.” I close my eyes against the surge of heartache. “I keep wondering what he or she would have been like.” It’s probably a morbid thing to admit, but I can’t help myself. It’s as though giving the baby characteristics makes them real and gives me permission to grieve. “Me too.” I hear his sharp intake of breath. “It goes without saying they would have been good-looking.” I find myself smiling. “Good-looking and smart.” He chuckles softly. “Probably a bossy know it all.” “Definitely.” Because let’s face it…all Covingtons are. “I’d want them to have your strength, your brain, your gorgeous eyes and smile…but mostly? Your heart.” I run my finger along the wood of the frame. “Why my heart?” I hear him shift against the door “It’s my favorite thing about you.” A weird twist goes through my chest. It’s odd he’d want that, because I’d want our baby to have most of his traits. “Well, I’d want them to have your eyes and smile, your passion and creativity, your loyalty…but most of all, your soul.” Because even though he’s made some catastrophic mistakes…I know he still has a beautiful one. A low, guttural sound leaves him. He sounds so broken, something deep within my heart clenches. “Good souls don’t take i His statement is the equivalent of being submerged in ice water. Words work like broken glass against my throat. “Oakley—” “I don’t need you to make me feel better, Bianca. That’s not why I said that.” He draws in a ragged breath. “I just want you to know that if given the chance, not only would I take it all back…I’d gladly give up my life to spare theirs.” I know he would. But life doesn’t work like that. And some mistakes are too painful to ever be forgiven. However, Oakley’s made it clear that my forgiveness isn’t what he’s seeking. Which means he’s prepared to wallow in his guilt for the rest of his life. “I don’t want you sleeping outside my door.” I don’t want him showing up and fighting for me anymore… Because he’s only going to tear himself apart trying to fix us. And despite all the bad things that have happened between us… I love him too much to allow that to happen.