Broken kingdom

Chapter 64 Bianca

No. It’s not true. 

He’s lying. He has to be lying. 

My heart folds in on itself when I peer up at him, because the devastation etched in Oakley’s features tells me this isn’t some cruel joke and he’s telling me the truth. 

I clutch my stomach. I was pregnant. 

How can that be, though? Amnesia or not, surely I would have remembered something that significant. 

I rub my temples, not understanding how this happened. 

I was on the pill. I know this because the moment Oakley and I started our fling, I made a doctor’s appointment to get it. 

And even though he refused to have sex with me for most of our relationship, I took it every day faithfully. 

I close my eyes when I realize. 

Until the day of the fire…

We left so quickly, I didn’t have time to grab my birth control. 

I didn’t think it was a big deal because I took my next dose on schedule… but obviously it was. 

God, how the hell did I not know I was pregnant? 

There must have been signs…symptoms. 

Something to let me know there was a life growing inside me. 

Tears clog my vision and I expel a ragged breath. “I don’t remember being pregnant.” 

How can I not remember my—our—baby? 

I’m looking at him for answers, but his expression makes it clear he doesn’t have them. 

I start to walk away, but his hand clutches my face, keeping me there. “It was so early, Bianca.” He swallows. “I’m pretty positive you didn’t know.” 

“How can you be so sure?” 

Because right now? I can’t be sure of anything. 

“You were only three or four weeks along.”

He says it like it doesn’t count. As though it was just a whisper of something substantial. 

I slap his cheek so hard it stings. “Don’t you dare say that like it didn’t mean anything.” 

It was a baby. Our baby.

“That’s not what I meant.” Closing his eyes, he rasps, “I just meant that you didn’t know because it was so early and…” His voice trails off like he doesn’t have the heart to say the words. 

“I would have kept it.” 

I see him flinch briefly before he recovers. “I know.” 

Anger twists my insides. “But I didn’t get the choice…because you took it from me.” 

He took everything from me. 

And the sick thing is…I could forgive him for getting mad and wanting to leave me that night, because I know how angry he was. 

I could even forgive him for getting drunk and high behind the wheel and turning my life upside down…because people make mistakes. 

But I can’t forgive him for this.

I loved him so much…he was the only thing I cared about. 

So much so I ended up doing the same thing my mother tried to do to me and Liam. 

I killed my child. 

Because if I had just let him leave…my baby would still be here. 

“I’m sorry.”

I slap him again, harder this time. “Don’t.” 

Sorry won’t take it back. 

Sorry won’t undo what’s been done. 

Sorry doesn’t give me our baby back. 

“I hate you.” 

But really, I hate myself—because even though I should hate him—my heart won’t let me. 

It’s incapable of it. 

Oakley tries to put his arms around me, but that only makes me more irate. 

I don’t want him to hold me. I don’t want him anywhere near me. 

“Don’t fucking touch me.” I shove his chest. “Don’t ever fucking touch me again.” 

Finally, he backs up. 

Chest caving in, I stagger to the other side of the room.

I’m almost to the door when it occurs to me. 

Jace told him I was pregnant. 

Which means Oakley wasn’t the only one keeping secrets from me.