Ruthless knight

Sawyer

Oh, no. 

My stomach drops the moment I spot him at my door. 

“Hi, Mr. Gonzalez.” I plaster a fake smile on my face. “Come in.” 

I expect him to tell me I’m fired, but to my absolute surprise, he folds his arms around me. “Please don’t die.” 

Turns out I was wrong. This is the most awkward hug I’ve ever had. 

The man is practically sobbing in my arms. “Stone is a horrible waitress. Gets all the orders mixed up. Curses at customers. Everybody complains.” 

I can’t help but laugh. “I’m sure he’ll get better…eventually.” 

He edges away, his eyes pleading. “When can you come back?”

Oh, boy.

“Well, I get discharged tomorrow…but I have to go to a special clinic for three weeks.” 

“Oh.” Panic flashes in his eyes. “But then you’ll be back?” 

My, how the tables have turned. “Sure, of course.”

He holds up a bag. “Good. I brought you some chicken.” 

I eagerly take the bag from him. It smells delicious.

“Thanks, Mr. G.” 

“See you in three weeks,” he says as he treks out the door. “Don’t be late.” 

Some things will never change. 

Sighing, I open the bag and take a big whiff. Heaven. 

“For goodness’ sake, Sawyer Grace. You had a heart attack two weeks ago and you’re eating fried chicken?”

Here we go. 

I’ve been meaning to have this conversation. I’ve just been putting it off because I know it will hurt her. 

But not nearly as much as it’s going to hurt me. 

She’s my mother. The woman who gave birth to me. 

She’s taken me to doctor appointments, celebrated all my birthdays, taken care of me whenever I got sick, showed up to all my school award ceremonies, and so many other things throughout the years. 

But…she’s also given me scars. 

My whole life I’ve tried to figure out why she is the way she is. Why she’s so focused on appearance that it takes precedence over everything else…but I honestly don’t know. 

My grandmother never bothered with superficial things, and my grandfather is the same way, so it doesn’t make any sense.

And then it hit me. Society screwed her too.  

All her life people have droned on and on about how beautiful she is. How she has the most stu

But no one ever told her she was more than any of those things. 

Therefore, her looks are the only thing she believes she has going for her. 

Unfortunately, she passed that toxic belief down to her daughters. 

She needs help. 

But until she gets that help…I have to do the hardest thing I’ve ever done. 

I have to break up with my mother. 

“I love you, Mama.” 

And I mean it. Even with all the bad…I still love her. 

I always will. 

But I have to cut this thread and do what’s best for me. 

She blinks, looking so uncomfortable I could scream. “If you’re just buttering me up so I’ll let you eat that chicken—”

“Mama, I really need you to listen to me.” 

Concern washes over her face. “What’s going on? I thought you were getting discharged tomorrow—”

“I am.” 

Her concern changes to confusion. “Then what—”

“All my life you’ve made me feel like I’m not good enough.”

Frustration lines her face. “For heaven’s sake, Sawyer Grace. Stop with the dramatics. I’ve only been trying to help you.” 

“Help me what?” I ask honestly, because if there was a lesson in all this, I’ve obviously missed it. 

“Help you be healthier.” Her hands find her hips. “The doctors can blame it on Adderall until they’re blue in the face, but between you and me, I think what happened was a side effect of how heavy you used to be. I told you all that extra weight wasn’t good for your health.”  

My heart crumbles. She’s never going to get it. 

“You’re not good for my health.” 

Her mouth drops open. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me, Mama. I said you’re not good for my health. Which is why, after I’m discharged from the clinic, I’ll be staying with Dylan and Jace. Well, until they open up the dorms for Duke’s Heart. Point is, I’m moving out.” 

It broke my father’s heart when I told him the news, but he’s supportive of me doing whatever it takes to not end up back here. 

“What? Why?” she questions. 

I repeat what I said before. “Because you’re not healthy for me.” I wipe the tears falling down my cheeks with the back of my hand. “And I’m so tired of never measuring up to your standards…so I’m done trying. I’m done with you.” 

It’s time to have my own standards. 

“What do you mean you’re done? I’m your mother, Sawyer Grace. You can’t be done with me.” 

“Then get help. See a counselor, talk to someone, get your shit together. Because the way you treat me…the way you treat yourself…it’s not okay.” 

“Sawyer Grace, you better stop talking to me like that. I am not a crazy person.”

“And I’m not a fat person,” I scream, my voice cracking. “I’m your daughter. A daughter you’re supposed to love…but can’t unless she’s perfect.” I look her in the eyes. “I’m never go

“I’m tired of being blamed for trying to help you. But go ahead, Sawyer Grace. Keep burying your head in the sand and deluding yourself into thinking you weren’t fat. Guarantee you’ll be right back here.” 

She storms out of the room so fast there’s practically a trail of dust behind her. 

I wish I could say I’m surprised, but I’m not.

But no matter how much it hurts…I know I did the right thing.