Ruthless knight

The broken thing in my chest feels like it’s going to explode as I open the closet door. 

My mother used to tell us the most profound love stories were also the most tragic.

Me and Sawyer’s love story is no different. 

But as pissed as I am that our time together was so short…I am so fucking grateful I had the chance to love her at all. 

I only wish she loved herself enough. 

Sawyer loved all my pain away…but I couldn’t do the same for her. 

I failed. 

And now I finally know what Liam must have felt when he was in this closet. 

He needed someone to love his pain away too…but that never happened. 

Because he didn’t have a Sawyer. 

I got to experience something he never did. 

“I’m sorry,” I tell him as I sit on the floor of his closet. 

Clutching the rope in my hand, I blow out a few breaths…and wait for that all too familiar twinge to strike my chest. 

The one that tells me she’s gone. 

Because I’ll be right behind her. 

Maybe that makes me a coward for not being strong enough, but I don’t fucking care. 

Unless you’ve had your soulmate ruthlessly ripped away from you like I have…you don’t get to judge me and my actions.

You don’t get to determine if my pain was bearable or not. 

You don’t get to dictate how much of it I can endure. 

Closing my eyes, I utter a final plea. “You don’t owe me a damn thing, Liam. But if you have any kind of pull up there. Please, bring her back to me. I need h—”

The closet door swings open. 

“Jesus Christ,” Jace roars. “What the fuck are you doing?” 

This is not something I anticipated. I thought they’d both still be at the hospital. 

Then again, I ran out of there like a bat out of hell, so I should have known better. 

“Oh, my God,” Bianca shrieks, ru

I tell them the truth. “I don’t want to be here if she’s not.” 

Kneeling, Jace grabs the rope from my hands. “And I don’t want to lose another person I love. Especially like this.” He scrubs a hand down his face. “I know it hurts…I can’t even fucking imagine how bad, but no way in fucking hell am I letting you check out on me.”

“You can’t leave us, Cole,” Bianca whispers. “We love you.” 

They don’t understand. “It’s not that I don’t love you too…I do.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “I’m not suicidal. I don’t want to die…I just don’t—”

“I get it,” Jace says. “I honestly do. But you can’t abandon the people who are still here…the people who still love you.” 

Grabbing me by the neck, he drags me forward until our heads knock together and growls, “Losing you would fucking destroy me, little brother. Is that what you fucking want?” 

It’s not. “No.”

“Good.” He releases me. “Then don’t ever—and I mean ever—pull this shit again. No matter what happens.” 

Bianca wipes her tears with the back of her hand. “I don’t even know—” 

The sound of Jace’s phone ringing cuts her off. 

He brings it to his ear. “Hey. I’ll be back—wait…what?” His face screws up. “Are you serious?” Eyes-wide, he looks at me. “Hold on, baby.” He clamps a hand on my shoulder. “I know you don’t believe in God…but do you believe in miracles?” 

“I have no idea.” 

I’ve never had one before. 

He grins. “Well, you should, asshole. Because a few seconds after they removed the ventilator and shut down the machines, Sawyer started breathing on her own…and squeezed her dad’s hand.” 

“Holy shit,” Bianca exclaims. 

Jace nods. “I know—”

I don’t hear the end of his sentence because I’m already ru

 “What does it mean?” 

Mr. Church sucks in a sharp breath. “We don’t know just yet…she’s still very out of it. The doctor said she probably won’t be fully conscious ‘til the morning. But the fact that she’s breathing on her own and was able to grab my hand…is—”

“A miracle.” 

He smiles. “Exactly.” His smile grows. “It was a firm grip too, Cole. Almost like she knew it was me.”  

That’s music to my fucking ears. 

“Can I go in and see her?” 

“You can, but the doctors said not to disturb her. Everyone needs to be calm around her and let her rest.” 

I can do that. Hell, as long as Sawyer is alive, I can do anything. 

 The lights are turned off when I walk into the room and a nurse is at her bedside positioning her on her side. 

“Just a few minutes,” she whispers. 

I suppress the urge to tell her to fuck off. 

They change shifts soon and the nurse coming in is a little more understanding of my need to see Sawyer whenever the hell I want. 

I wait until she slips out the door and crawl into the bed with her. 

I’m probably not supposed to, but a bulk of the machines are gone now, and I need to be close to her. 

“Hey, you,” I whisper, draping my arm around her and reaching for her hand. “Wake up whenever you’re ready, okay?” I kiss the spot below her ear. “I’ll be here.”

My chest ripples with relief and appreciation when she squeezes my hand. 

I look up at the ceiling. “Thank you.” 

He came through for me…I know he did.