Страница 238 из 282
Cole
“You don’t like it?” Sawyer questions, biting her lip.
No. I fucking don’t.
The dress, the hair, the heels, the pound of makeup on her face…the contacts.
She looks nothing like the girl I fell in love with.
“It’s…okay,” I settle on. “I guess.”
I’m not trying to be a dick or hurt her, but I’m not go
Fortunately, the real Sawyer I fell in love with is still inside.
I hope.
“Do you want me to drive?”
“Nope.” She shoots me a frosty glare as she teeters down my driveway in her heels. “I’m good.”
“You’re mad at me.”
“Gee, you think?”
“I’m sorry if I hurt you—”
“It’s fine.”
Wrapping my hand around her wrist, I halt her. “You don’t need all that shit on your face or that tiny dress.” Inhaling sharply, I give her another dose of honesty. “And since we’re on the subject, I think you’re…whatever diet you’re on needs to stop.”
I’ve tried to be understanding, but I can’t anymore.
She looks like a completely different person.
Her curves are gone. Her ass is almost non-existent.
And don’t even get me started on her tits…what’s left of them.
However, I could deal with all that if she wasn’t always so exhausted and moody lately.
If she was still her cute, sarcastic, sassy, sweet self.
But she’s not.
It’s like I lost her more and more with every pound.
She might look ski
If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she almost looks strung out.
Probably because she’s not eating enough.
Her eyes narrow to tiny slits. “You have a lot of nerve.” She pokes me in the chest with one of her pink talons. “You called me fat in front of the entire school, and now that I lost weight you—”
“I was wrong, Sawyer. I didn’t say it because I meant it. I said it because—”
“Because it was expected,” she says, her voice wavering. “The thing you had to say because I was put in the fat girl box.” She yanks her wrist back. “Fuck that box. And fuck you too if you no longer love me because you’re insecure with me finally being attractive.”
She’s got it all wrong. So fucking wrong.
“I never said I didn’t love you. And this isn’t insecurity…this is concern for your health. Huge difference.”
“Right.” Tossing her head back, she laughs. “My God, people never cease to amaze me. When I was fat all I heard was—” She makes air quotes with her fingers. “‘You should be concerned about your health.’ And now that I’m finally at a normal weight…I still get the same shit. Un-fucking-believable.”
I have no idea what to say to that.
Society sucks…sometimes people don’t always get it right.
Being bigger doesn’t always mean you’re unhealthy and being smaller isn’t a guarantee that you are.
But I can’t fix society.
I can’t take away all the shitty things people have said to her over the years that made her feel less than perfect.
I can’t make her see herself the way I see her.
The way I’ve always seen her…way before she dropped the weight.
It’s all beyond my control.
The only thing I can do is love her.
In whatever form she comes in.
I wrap my arms around her. “Tell me how to fix this.”
“You can’t,” she chokes out, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I just wanted my boyfriend to tell me I looked pretty so we could go have fun at the party. I wanted to be a normal girl for one night.”
Sawyer is anything but a normal girl…and that’s exactly what I love about her.
But I want her to have this.
Because I want to make her happy.
Tipping her chin, I wipe the mascara streaks away with my thumbs. “You look beautiful, Bible Thumper.” Leaning in, I give her a kiss. “Let’s go have fun at the party.”
That sparkle is back in her eyes again when she looks up at me. “You mean it?”
“Yeah.”
She’s getting into the car when it catches my eye.
The designer purse I got her for her birthday.
The one she swore wasn’t her.