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Sawyer
“Oh, my goodness. Sawyer Grace,” Mama cries out. “What did you do?”
I wince. “That bad, huh?”
I let Bianca get away with a little more than originally agreed upon.
Specifically, four outfits, a prom dress—one that I really love, though—a few long layers and highlights, and a shit ton of new makeup.
Oh, and…contacts.
Which were a serious pain in the ass to put in.
She places her hand over her heart. “No. You look so beautiful.” Tears spring to her eyes as she takes a step back. “Gosh, sweetie. I am so proud of you.”
I’ve consistently made National Honor Society throughout the years, scored a 1600 on my SATs, got accepted to Duke’s Heart on a full ride, and I’m a shoo-in to be the valedictorian at graduation.
Yet this woman has never once told me she was proud of me.
Until now.
My father stops short when he sees me. “What—” Disappointment fills his brown eyes. “I see.”
I have no idea what that means.
Whatever. Us growing apart is solely on him.
Just because I lost weight doesn’t mean he lost a daughter.
Besides, he’s the one who called me fat behind my back that day.
He should be elated I took care of the problem.
“Thanks, Mama.” I glance at the clock. “Shoot. I have to go pick up Cole.” I grab my purse and the overnight bag I packed from the kitchen table. “Oh, and don’t wait up. I’m spending the night at Dylan’s.”
It’s a lie. I’m spending the night at Cole’s. However, they don’t have to know that.
Although I think my mother secretly suspects the truth.
“Have a good time at the party.” She kisses my cheek. “Be safe.”
Yup, I read that loud and clear.
Do not come home pregnant or Daddy will shoot your boyfriend.
“Bye, Daddy.”
He grumbles something under his breath before stalking off.
I trek toward the door. “Bye, Mama. Love you.”
“Love you.”
It’s all I can do not to keel over.
That’s two for two today.
First, she’s proud…now she loves me.
Taking these pills was the best thing to ever happen to me.
I’m go
“What do you mean you’re out?” Oakley questions. “I just gave you twenty-five of them on Monday.” “Keep your voice down,” I hiss. We’re in the guesthouse, but it’s not like Cole or Bianca can’t randomly pop in and overhear us. “It was a really hectic week, Oak. I had a lot of studying to do, remember? Plus, the pills don’t work as good as they used to, so I needed to take more to get a little boost.” “Yeah, that’s called developing a tolerance. But given you’ve only been on it for a few months instead of years—and you finished all the goddamn pills I gave you already—you’re obviously taking way more than you’re supposed to.” I hate the shame coursing through me. But not nearly as much as I hate the way he’s looking at me like I’m scum. It’s not fair. He’s acting like he’s never had issues or taken pills before. Unlike the shit he takes, I actually need this medication. My pills make everything better…not worse. “Wow, that’s an awful lot of judgment coming from someone who’s not only hiding the fact he’s selling drugs from his best friends—but was so high out of his mind one night, he took advantage of their baby sister.” It’s harsh and it’s wrong. But I hate that the key to my happiness lies with him. Oakley can cut me off whenever he wants and ruin everything. I can’t let that happen. I don’t ever want to be the fat girl again. Not when I’ve finally gotten everything I’ve ever wanted. Oakley looks like I slapped him. “I didn’t…it was a mistake. She crawled into my bed—” I loathe the next words out of my mouth…but they’re a very necessary evil. “Do you really think Jace and Cole will see it that way when they find out?” He looks so betrayed I could cry. God, I can’t stand myself. “I might not be book smart like you, but I can smell blackmail from a mile away.” His shoulders slump. “What do you want?” “One hundred should tie me over for the next month.” His face screws up. “You’re kidding, right?” “I don’t need your judgment, Oakley.” “No, you don’t need these pills.” He palms his head. “This isn’t you.” “You’re right. It’s not. And thank fucking God. Because that Sawyer was gross and—” “No, she wasn’t.” His voice is filled with sadness. “She was my friend who would never blackmail me for drugs.” Digging inside his pocket, he whips out a pill bottle. “Here’s ten to help you with the withdrawals. Because after that…I’m done.” Panic claws at my chest. “You can’t be serious.” He points to the door. “Trust me, I am.” He tries to walk away, but I side-step him. “Please, Oakley. Don’t do this. I need—” “No, you don’t.” My stomach rolls and I feel lightheaded. If he cuts me off, I’ll go back to being fat. I’ll lose everything. My body, my mother’s love…maybe even Cole. My chest compresses as the room spins. “Please. I’ll do anything you want. Anything.” I reach for his face, but he grabs my wrists. “Jesus Christ. What the fuck is wrong with you?” I freeze, the realization of what I was about to offer hitting me square in the heart. I can’t believe I almost… God, I feel sick. So fucking sick. “This isn’t you, Sawyer.” He’s right. “I’m sorry—” “Don’t apologize to me,” he sneers. “Apologize to Cole. He’s the one who’s in love with a whore.” I slap him. Hard. “How dare you—” “What else do you call someone who throws themselves at men in exchange for money or drugs?” Oh, God. I can’t breathe. “I wasn’t. I didn’t—” I can’t speak. I’d never do that to Cole. I love him. So much. Finally, I find my voice. “I’m not a whore. I’d never fuck you for Adderall because I’m not some kind of worthless drug addict.” I glare at him. “I’m not you.” I yelp when he yanks on my arm. “Fu A pang of sympathy strikes me. “Oak—” “Get out.” He shoves me. “Come back when you’re Sawyer again.” “I am Saw—” “No, you’re not.”
