Ruthless knight

“Want a slice?” I ask Sawyer as I plate mine.

I’m really hoping she says yes because her curves are disappearing and I fucking hate it.

Why girls do dumb shit like lose weight for weddings is beyond me. 

Hopefully once it’s over, those curves will come back. 

“No, thanks.” She shuffles her feet. “My flight leaves at eight a.m.” 

“Do you need a ride to the airport?” She starts to answer, but I glance at Oakley. “Can I borrow—”

“No, that’s not why I said that.” She wrings her hands. “Every time I bring up the wedding you change the subject. It’s already Thursday night, Cole. The wedding is on Saturday. Did you purchase your airline ticket or not?” 

Shit. 

I know she really wants me to go, but I have to put some distance between us. 

These feelings I have for her are becoming too intense. Too powerful. 

Too confusing. 

For fuck’s sake, I lost my shit completely and bared the darkest parts of my goddamn soul to her. 

Sawyer saw me at my worst, my most vulnerable…yet she stayed. 

She even told me she loved me again after that night, but I couldn’t say it back. 

I don’t know how. And that’s not fair to her. 

“I didn’t.” I avert my gaze. “Sorry, I have this thing to do. But, hey, I hope you have fun.” 

Behind her, Oakley and Jace exchange a glance. 

Trepidation swirls in her eyes. “Are you breaking up with me?” 

Nope. I’m too selfish to do that. 

I’ll just wait until she realizes she deserves much better than me and cuts the cord.  

“No. I’m just…handling my business. Doing me.” 

Jace starts choking on his pizza. Oakley takes a long pull off his blunt. 

“Doing you?” she repeats with an edge. 

“Yeah…you know.” 

“No, I don’t know.” She throws up her hands. “Whatever. I don’t have time for this. Call me when you’re done being an asshole.”

She starts to walk away, but I pull her back. “You know I care about you. I’m still in this.” 

If we break up, it won’t be because of me. Ever.

“Then fucking act like it, Colton.”   

I can feel Jace and Oakley’s stares on me as she walks toward the door. 

I should stop her. 

She pauses, almost like she’s giving me a chance to fix my fuck-up but turns to Oakley instead. “Can I talk to you outside really quick?” When she notices the curiosity on my face, she adds, “Tutoring stuff.”

The moment the door closes, Jace looks at me. “You’re an idiot.” 

I thought we were done fighting, but evidently not. 

I take a seat at the table. “What did I do now?”

He points to the front door. “Motherfucker, you are the hardest person in the world to love and that girl does it effortlessly. If you let her go to that wedding by herself, you’re a goddamn dumbass who deserves to lose her.” 

I lean back in my seat. “I don’t recall asking you for dating advice.”

“Just calling it like I see it.” He lights the clipped blunt Oakley left in the ashtray and plops down in the seat across from me. “Fucking moron.” 

“Trust me, I know how amazing Sawyer is. That’s not the problem.”

“Then what is the problem?” 

“I just…you wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.” 

“Mom didn’t love me.” 

He huffs. “Jesus Christ, here we fucking go.”

“You know what? Fuck you. I’m not go

His expression changes to one of sincerity. “Fine. I’ll keep my mouth shut.” He jabs his finger in the table. “But for the record, Mom loved all her kids, so don’t come at me with that bullshit.”

“That may be true, but it was different with me.” 

He starts to open his mouth, but I cut him off. “You know I’m right. I was her least favorite. Hell, Jace. You raised me more than she did.” 

He blows out a cloud of smoke. “No arguments here. But, man. You fought her tooth and fucking nail on everything. Even when she did something nice for you, you still raked her over the coals…like she was never good enough.”  

He’s not wrong. 

“Because I knew she loved Liam more.”

Whenever she was kind to me it felt disingenuous…fake. I couldn’t stand it.

“She didn’t love Liam more.” He breaks eye contact. “Liam just made it easier to love him.” 

The truth doesn’t just hurt…it fucking obliterates. 

“I get that,” I tell him. “But I loved her.”

Even if she didn’t feel the same way…I still loved her. 

“I know you did, Cole. What I can’t wrap my head around is why you’re fucking shit up with Sawyer.” 

“Because she loves me.”

He raises an eyebrow. “That really clears everything up.” 

“I can’t love her back.” 

I don’t know how. 

He makes a face. “Why?”

I tell him the truth. “Because I have no idea how to love anyone...not even myself.”

I spent so much time hating myself after Mom and Liam died, it’s like a switch that can’t be turned back on. 

“But Sawyer…despite all the shit I put her through…the shit I’ve done. She still loves me.” Exhaling sharply, I look at him. “She loves me so much I forget what hating myself feels like whenever she’s around.”

I feel so fucking much for this girl she fills all the hollowed-out spaces. Makes me whole again. 

Jace assesses me for the better part of a minute before he speaks. “Like I said…you’re an idiot.” 

It’s all I can do not to deck him. “Seriously? You just said it yourself, I’m hard to love.” I punch my chest. “It’s only a matter of time before I fuck it up and hurt her so bad she never comes back.” 

Just like I did with Mom and Liam.

“I said you were hard to love, motherfucker. I didn’t say you were impossible to love.” He clips the remaining blunt in the ashtray. “Fix this shit with her before it’s too late.” His expression turns solemn as he stands up. “I know you don’t believe in God…or anything. But I can’t help thinking that maybe, just fucking maybe…Mom and Liam sent her to you for a reason.” He slaps my back. “This is your wakeup call, brother. Don’t fucking blow it.”

My chest coils. He’s right. 

I don’t want to add Sawyer to my list of mistakes. 

“Shit.” 

He blinks. “What?”

“I can’t let her go to that wedding alone.” 

It’s important to her, ergo it’s important to me. 

He pinches the bridge of his nose. “You think?” 

I’m about to walk outside, but Oakley treks through the front door.

Alone. 

“Where’s Sawyer?” 

He hikes a thumb behind him. “On her way to the airport. Evidently, there's some kind of wedding emergency and the bride is freaking, so they're taking the next flight out.” 

Jace rolls his eyes as he pulls out his phone. 

“Fucking moron,” he mutters as he brings it to his ear. “Hello, I was wondering when the next flight from California to North Carolina is.” He looks at his watch. “Okay, if everything is booked up for tonight, when is the next one?” He gives me a thumbs up. “Great, I’d like to book the eight a.m. flight for my brother.” 

Perfect. Now I’ll have plenty of time to apologize to Sawyer and help set up. 

Hell, putting in an effort might even make her father hate me less. 

“What?” Jace exclaims. “There’s a chance it might be canceled? Why?” His eyes widen. “Well, fuck.” He cups the receiver. “Evidently the Carolinas are expecting a hurricane tomorrow.” 

Oakley looks at me. “That must be the emergency.”